Thursday, December 13, 2012

I Love Glitter

 My life sucks. I'm serious. I have a Saturday job and have been desperately seeking a secondary higher paying employment for a couple of weeks now (meaning I have close to no dollars in the bank), I have been out of hair conditioner for four days now and my Mother, as much as I love that woman, since becoming apparent mistress of the television remote, has been subjecting me to incessant blaring Korean soap operas. Ordinary soaps are terrible. Korean soaps are absolutely heinous.

My new found bliss after graduation in taking it easy and doing nothing, has become a nightmare of boredom in which I have to be as inventive as fucking Tracy McBean and figure out a way to entertain myself. Perhaps I am being a plain as white whiney bitch today, but I reject this system full heartedly. No, I cry. I am not Phineas and Ferb. I do not want to rise out of bed and create a trendy restaurant in my backyard while simultaneously wondering where is my pet platypus and when will my surly sister finally be pummelled by a rogue bus. There must be another way, an easier and more effective way to amuse my brain.

During a hysterical episode of Dance Moms, I discovered a temporary approach to my situation. I had been painting my toenails with freshly bought $2 gold glittery varnish from Kmart. If there is something that instantly generates a happy Sarah, it's glitter. To me, almost anything is improved with a coat of glitter. By this, I mean that it can either look fabulous and in that be a blatant improvement, or it can create a great visual felony which is so horrendous, it somehow crosses back into the realm of amazing. This prompted me to search online to produce evidence.

In my search, I found a blog under the name of Glittery Shit which I thought would produce some grouse results. Assumption proven.

Oh glitter. You are utterly splendid, you in your glinting majesty. You're quite a tease- sparkling wildly in the light and you have to power to not only be beautiful, but also to be quite grotesque. I love this. You're versatile. The multitude of pieces of you that make up a powerful body could be likened to that of a teamwork metaphor, which is fucking beautiful. You're like sand, glitter. Not many entities have this and for that, I salute you. You go glitter.

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