Of course, I should have titled this post as 'What the girl with a top knot would proclaim as the best film in the history of ever' but as my two followers will probably know, I am a lazy shit and am not arsed. Nonetheless, if you have simply failed at living, you will be curious to know what motion picture I am epitomising. Urghh just let me spell it out for you. THE PRINCESS BRIDE.
This 1987 film is basically my childhood captured in 98 minutes. Even though I have not watched it in a very long time, if I were to flick it on now I would probably still be able to recite the lines while sitting, still as mesmerised by it all as I was when I was 7. I would still find all of the jokes endlessly amusing. And Leslie and Buttercup would still both represent what perfect and sweet, true love should be. (Fuck you Disney - your notions of relationships have never quite portrayed love this well) Now if there was to be a universal indicator of timelessness, The Princess Bride should be close to, if not at the top end. You'd have a great specturm that could be conversely employed like this: on a scale of Supré to The Princess Bride, how timeless are you?
It all starts with a man reading an old novel to his bed laden grandson. Upon first sight of the book, the kid warily asks "Is it a kissing book?" In any other film he would shit me to sundown, yet in this I find him daunting, but humorous. I like him. This is unusual, as in other movie I would probably hate him more than my year 11 Study of Religion teacher. Which gets the movie off to a great start! This is before we launch into a classic story within a story; where we are immersed into the lives of Buttercup (Robin Wright) the beautiful and the very dashing Westley (Cary Elwes). She is to be engaged to the tyrannical Prince Humperdink and in order to start a war, she is kidnapped and held captive. Where is Westley? You'll find out, won't you?
It would be impossible for me to list everything that I like about The Princess Bride. The characterisation is superb. The characters are all tremendously likeable, from Westley to the giant Fezzik to even the six fingered man Count Tyrone Rugen, who arguably makes one of the best villains of the big screen. I imagine if one were to be truly nefarious, it would be in a fashion similar to the Count; he's well groomed and speaks in a serene and soft manner. It's amazingly creepy: his ambience as a tyrant is exceedingly effective. There's also the more minor characters that appear on occasion, who are what make the film. Seriously, this film would not have reached its level of supremacy without Billy Crystal's small part as Miracle Max, or without the hysterical performance of the Impressive Clergyman (see below - SPOILER ALERT), or the Albino or even Prince Humperdink's father, the old king (he only says a couple of lines but it's good stuff). I even like the grandfather and the grandson, because I always loved the humanity of their relationship. I also always wished that someone would read a lovely story like this one to me when I was ill, yet like many other simple loving gestures I've wanted, it never happened.
The names of all of the characters are also astoundingly great. (Here comes my obsession with names) Prince Humperdink? Fucking gold. Count Tyrone Rugen is also pretty boss. And doesn't Buttercup and Westley melt your insides? The names of the places are also noteworthy, like the Pit of Despair. Gah, now I'll perpetually question why can't I live in this film.
The Princess Bride also holds within it a series of top quotes. This goes hand in hand with its timelessness, as with all classic films there must obviously be some stupendous lines. I could not do any justice to all the sheer brilliance of some of these quotes. For example, the following clip demonstrates one of my favourite ones: (SPOILER ALERT)
Even saying "nice tits" in this movie holds a poignant poetry to it. Of course, there are the other classics as well such as "as you wish", "my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die", etc. Any old timer with this film will know these. Although I must also give credit to TPB for teaching me this marvellous word:
The Princess Bride is a fantastic film and if you have not viewed it already, then that is just inconceivable. I recommend that you see it immediately and afterwards absorb the sudden fulfilment of your life. Get back to me, we'll have a quoting party.
For making my childhood and being endlessly wonderful, The Princess Bride gets five stars.