Soft Toy Names: An Observation

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As someone who will never completely exit from the realms of childhood, I do believe there is one contributing factor in every child's interests that can reveal a myriad of informing details about them. This is in the way in which a little person will choose to name their toys. You may call bullshit but I'm stating this in all actuality. Most kids are revoltingly unoriginal in the selection of their names. Teddy, doggy, etc. All of the generic names are indicative of nothing. It's the unique ones that are significant in this drill. I mean, you could probably pick out the geniuses and psychotics just from learning about their special toy/s' name. Think about it, if your child named their monkey Adolf and shaved nearly all of its fur, with only a flawless swastika beneath its shirt remaining, you would probably need to urgently contact the man below.

Jokes, House would probably deny his identity before hurrying away. The last time I called him, the dude kept repeating that he was Hugh Laurie or some shit. Said he was an actor. Told me to stop calling him and to telephone my country's emergency line instead and that he was very sorry that he couldn't prescribe anything for my constant internal bleeding. Now I can't reach him anymore. It's almost as peculiar as Inception; I find that I cannot fully comprehend what has really occurred. Besides, House isn't a fucking miracle worker - you should probably see this guy instead.

Nonetheless, soft toy names are so prominent in reflecting the inner layers of a young person. Take myself for example. If someone had analysed my naming behaviour, there would have to be some heightened abnormality. They'd conclude that I needed to be treated carefully and be subjected to incessant therapy.

Seriously, I had an anal obsession with a particular process in naming all of the poor darlings within my sister's and my shared collection. I had to have the initial letter of every name matching the initial letter of the toy's chosen species. e.g. All of the several dogs that we had had to possess names starting with 'd' like 'Daphne' and 'Darryl'. This doesn't sound as heinous as I had first promised but then you are not aware of the total amount of dogs and bears there were within our ownership let alone all of the overall grand species' of stuffed toys. I remember it reached the point where I was making up names to suit my method - I named one of the many koalas 'Klaus' because I honestly could not think of another legitimate name beginning with 'K'. Unlike many of my peers I was an exemplary speller; I knew that the 'Claus' I based it on started with a 'C'.  It pained me to move to this level of desperation.

I also became both physically and verbally abusive when facing opposition in my grand scheme. Whenever my younger sister suggested names that didn't match my criteria, I would bully her in some form until she conformed to my regime. I also became an arsehole to the soft toys themselves, especially the ones with names that I had struggled to classify; I despised Klaus. These specific creatures were the ones that were extraordinarily stupid in my mind because I imagined as a wise young child that the worst kind of person is a dolt. The others were all vitally intelligent and had wonderful personalities.

Looking back, I think someone may have predicted that I would grow up to be an advocate for totalitarianism had they inspected my soft toy naming habits. I even wrote down all of their names in a notebook - further demonstrating my characteristics as a controlling dictator. Luckily for them, the toys were all moved into storage by the time I was nine or ten. Since then I've had friends over who have commented on the lack of toys within my room and I'll nod, forcing a feigned smile. Perhaps this is all beneficial for my sanity because I honestly scare myself sometimes when considering the hidden layers within a person, especially moi. Over at Kobi's blog, in an interview with yours truly, I digressed that there are several dimensions to people, including ones that we will probably never discover. I'd like to think that this is for the better, as I'd hate to reveal my more sinister attributes to the world or even to just myself.

Observing behaviours such as the trivial matter of toy naming is noteworthy in this matter, as it  illuminates some of the layers that previously would have been hidden away in the darkness. Although maybe it's just me and I'm a flipping psychotic. Either way, it's fascinating to consider isn't it?