Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Drilling at My Emotions

via wehearit

There are a multitude of mixed emotions that rise to the surface when contemplating the humble fire drill. At least, this is upon hearing the alarms circulate through my school and through my brain.

1. Bewilderment.
As I attend a school that is apparently considerate of its neighbours, (neighbours that are well aware that they do indeed live in the close proximity of a school) they like to select an unusual array of bells to signify the standard things. A mainstream ringing bell is just 'too disruptive' towards our immediate surroundings. For example, our normal bell that rings at a myriad of times during the day sounds like an absolute simpleton just cracked the puzzle and figured out a tune consisting of four notes on a nasal keyboard. How is it even possible for a keyboard to sound nasal? I don't know man. I've been trying to figure it out for the last five years.

The thing about the fire alarm, is that no one is particularly sure of the difference between it and many other alarms, like the lock down alarm for instance. So there is always a sudden increase in perplexed peers and teachers. Should we hide out under our desks or should we head out onto the green? Is this a fully legit fire or just a drill? No one ever knows what the shit is the go.

2. Ecstasy or annoyance and/or further bewilderment (depending on your class/ personal circumstances)

e.g. Fuck yeah, now I don't have to pull some bullshit out of my arse about the parallels between Animal Farm and Stalin's regime. Take that you moustachioed bastard of an instructor!


e.g. 2. Oh no, now we'll never be able to make these delicious chocolate covered coconut balls as this is our last year 8 home economics class and now I'll forever curse that possum that interacted with some wires and lit a circuit, killing itself and triggering a smoke alarm in the process. FUCK YOU, YOU MORONIC AND ACCIDENTALLY  SUICIDAL MONSTER DISGUISED IN CURIOUS POSSUM FORM. I NEVER TASTED THOSE BALLS UNTIL MY SISTER MADE THEM TWO YEARS LATER AND THAT IS ONE YEAR 8 EXPERIENCE I NEVER ACCOMPLISHED.


e.g. 3. What? I just fell asleep when Morgan Freeman started likening penguins to a love story. Yeah, like at the start of the movie. He just has a really soothing voice, you know? What is everyone doing? Ohhh but I wanna sleep.

3. Subservience and/or further bewilderment
e.g. I have to do what the moustached monstrosity is yelling at me to do, otherwise, he'll take a sadistic pleasure in slowly destroying me when we get back to class. We're walking, we're walking... What? Now we have to be quiet? For fuck's sake, the fire is not going to be roused through fear of our silence. Fuck this, "SUSIE!"

4. Irritation and/or further bewilderment
As soon as everyone has reached the oval, lined up into their retrospective houses/classes, have been marked as present on the rolls, etc. it appears as a mandatory law of nature to be enforced into at least twenty minutes of nothing, while sitting in the always brilliantly burning skin cancer provoking Australian sun. Urgh, nothing is happening, no one knows anything. Oh the lunch bell just rang? Never mind, I didn't need to nourish my form anyway; I've been trying for the Kate Moss look for ages.

5. Excitement/  further irritation
Oh look, something is happening. We're getting a review of how we went. If this had been a real fire, (son of a bitch it was a drill, cue vaporisation of fantasy of school burning down)... everyone would have perished. Excellent. Resume the norm everyone.

6. Relief
It's over.

7. (Optional) Swiftly followed by anxiety or other crappy feeling
And now I have to return to the class of Hitler's clone himself. 

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