Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Looking Good Four Eyes

In the highly unlikely circumstances that you are a loyal reader of this blog, you may remember me moaning (how refreshing) about the screwed up gene pool I was born into. Sooner or later, I am inevitably going to be blind. Not completely; I'll be able to faintly perceive shadows and top knots. That's just one more likeness to bats I'm going to have. However because this is going to happen, irrespective of how many carrots I eat, I have decided to try to see the whole shitfest with a pair of rose coloured lenses.

What's this you say? There is a positive in having close to no seeing ability? Well yes. I shall now be able to wear chic specs with a legitimate excuse other than for undercover disguise reasons. Nope, I'm not trying to be a pretentious hipster. I'm actually as blind as Roy Orbison blindfolded. And you know what? I can look darn good in glasses if I wanna. A multitude of films prove me right; it's cool to be framed.
all images found via weheartit

Exhibit A: The Boy Who Lived. Generation Y's spectacled inspiration. Sure, Harry has terrible eyesight, but he's still a wizard and what's more HE IS THE CHOSEN ONE.

B: Laney Boggs. Although I love She's All That in all its classic Hollywood corniness, there is just something that sets me on my teeth about Laney and her specs. Her character is played by Rachel Leigh Cook, who is a stunner in any universe. Her glasses, like many other mere inanimate objects, just do not have the ability to transform her face into a cat's arse. Yet when Freddy Prince Jr removes them, she is suddenly revelled as 'beautiful'. Fuck you Laney. Fuck you, and go you at the same time. Go you for getting Freddy in the end.

C: Atticus Finch. Lawyer. Quiet activist against racism in the deep south. Intelligent. Dignified. Sophisticated. Dead shot. Dresses fantastically well. Wears specs like it's no one's business. Is there nothing this man can't do?

D: Miranda Prestley.  Despite the fact that Miranda is played by her Merrylsty and is automatically a character to love, this saucy woman is still the shit and she knows it. As editor of a high profile fashion magazine, she dresses like you'd imagine she would, like a sophisticated Goddess of Prada. She also is relentless in the manipulation of her employees, asking the impossible of new assistant Anne Hatherway and simply dismissing her with a raised eyebrow, her signature gesture of the hand and an absolute "that's all". She is quite mature as well, with her soft silver crested waves falling over her face and poor eyesight, but instead of letting her age hinder her, it just adds to her presence. Miranda is just heavenly bitchin' in all that she is. "Florals?" she says. "For spring? Groundbreaking."

E: Moss. Yes, The IT Crowd is not a film; it is a television series but I couldn't not include dear Moss in this list. Moss and I share many common characteristics; we're both dark skinned, we will inevitably share the glass eyed trait, we both have fanatical hair, we both spend too much time obsessing over technology (although he's a lot more skilled with it than I am), we're both insanely intelligent and hilarious and awkward, etc. Moss is just an excellent almost blind role model for me! Who else could supremely utter "I came here to drink milk and kick arse. And I've finished my milk." Those glasses ain't holding him down.

In short, kids, you can be a spectacled being and still hold an ultimate aura of cool. When I grow up, I can't wait to be lensed up and ready to prowl. Can't you?

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